I know most women won't argue with me when I say that even if you can't find it on a map, divorce is a state. Its a location, or, really, a dislocation. I should say upfront that it isn't my divorce, and this isn't my story. Its my mother's. My mother is 62; she was married for 28 years before things fell apart. She is beautiful, strangers say it, but she is alone in the big house that she and my father built as their dream, back when their kids and their marriage were young.
I don't want to talk about my dad, about their divorce. Any divorce after that many years, with children, and the economy... Marriage is hard and my father was constantly not getting the types of jobs he wanted, chasing a financial dream that he couldn't reach. I guess sometimes people reach for something other than their spouse to make them feel successful.
The divorce took a lot of time and money. It was final right after Lehman crashed; the financial ramifications and the court system meant somehow that my dad takes crazy vacations to the Turks and Caicos and my mom, for a while, was working two jobs. She keeps saying he needs work, if only so she can get alimony, but she knows about the vacations.
I know how much worse it could be. My friends and their parents, all over the country, are losing their jobs. People are losing their homes. My mom has her house and a job. But at 62, she has this terrible pain in her heart and she doesn't have health insurance, not that that would fix it.
That house isn't going anywhere. She keeps hoping upon hope that it will sell, but no one has the money for the mortgage these days, not in what used to be hedge fund Connecticut. No one will rent it, and she doesn't have the money for other options. She is going to start taking in boarders.
Because they own the house outright, she is stuck in a mausoleum to their marriage. The same pictures are on the walls. The house is still both of theirs by law, but she lives alone in it, and as long as its still theirs, he has say over what she does with her home. He isn't supposed to show up there anymore, but he owns half the place, and apparently hasn't forwarded all his mail. She is divorced, but he is still in her life. She walks around this house filled with years of memories and so much pain. Thanks to the economy, even though she isn't his, her home still is.
- S,
New York, USA
Showing posts with label New York. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Portrait: Brooklyn, New York/ Central Pennsylvania
In the grand scheme of this economic crisis, I'm doing okay. I have a relatively stable job. And long before stocks plummeted, I was watching my pennies. I was typing everything from a morning coffee to my student loan payments into an Excel spreadsheet every night. It quickly became my pre-bedtime ritual -- enter the 75 cents I spent on peanut M&Ms for an afternoon pick-me-up into those judgemental little cells; feel defeated as an adult; go to bed embarrassed that I was going to have to sell something on eBay to pay my rent later in the month. I was cognizant of every dollar, every dime. But I had to be, I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and my rent for a small one-bedroom in Brooklyn is half of my monthly salary. So, in a way, those cells probably saved me from myself. I was able to brave my own taxes this year and got myself a decent refund. I'm actually pretty proud of me for not falling apart yet.
Where I grew up, though, is a different story. My family is struggling. Some of it their own doing, but most of it due to the unstable economic climate. And, as some who always wants to be the problem-solver, I am struggling, too. I talk to my mother, a trade school teacher for almost 30 years, several times per week, and try to stomach it as she tells me that she's not sure when her husband will be able to work again. Or how she's been supporting a family of four on her salary for more than a year. Or how my grandmother's husband, at 70, was just laid-off from his factory job. Or how my uncle's hours were cut at his full-time job to a mere 16 hours a week and his children always seem to be ill. Or how little oil my family has left for the winter. They make all of the news coverage real.
I offer what little I have to give -- as a loan, because I know my mother does not want my money. She knows I don't have much more than she. But she doesn't take it. Instead, she asks me if I have groceries to get through the week. I tell her I do, and that I really don't mind not eating out anymore. She knows I like to eat out and I miss not being able to anymore in a city like New York. She will even send me five or ten dollars every few months with a note telling me to treat myself to some Starbucks. She's in a terrible position and she sends me money to go to Starbucks. Because she's my mother and she's only thinking of the little burst happiness she can give me.
Ashley
Brooklyn, NY / Central Pennsylvania
Where I grew up, though, is a different story. My family is struggling. Some of it their own doing, but most of it due to the unstable economic climate. And, as some who always wants to be the problem-solver, I am struggling, too. I talk to my mother, a trade school teacher for almost 30 years, several times per week, and try to stomach it as she tells me that she's not sure when her husband will be able to work again. Or how she's been supporting a family of four on her salary for more than a year. Or how my grandmother's husband, at 70, was just laid-off from his factory job. Or how my uncle's hours were cut at his full-time job to a mere 16 hours a week and his children always seem to be ill. Or how little oil my family has left for the winter. They make all of the news coverage real.
I offer what little I have to give -- as a loan, because I know my mother does not want my money. She knows I don't have much more than she. But she doesn't take it. Instead, she asks me if I have groceries to get through the week. I tell her I do, and that I really don't mind not eating out anymore. She knows I like to eat out and I miss not being able to anymore in a city like New York. She will even send me five or ten dollars every few months with a note telling me to treat myself to some Starbucks. She's in a terrible position and she sends me money to go to Starbucks. Because she's my mother and she's only thinking of the little burst happiness she can give me.
Ashley
Brooklyn, NY / Central Pennsylvania
Monday, February 16, 2009
Portrait: The Bronx, New York
I live in the Bronx, but I think my portrait represents all of NYC. I graduated from community college last May with my Associates in Applied Science, Nursing. I passed my boards at the end of the summer and am finally a licensed RN. During the fall I resigned from the job that I had during school because I had some medical issues to deal with. I wanted to focus on fully recovering so that I could be 100% ready to start my nursing career in the new year. While I was home I sent out resumes, emailed hospitals, recruiters and posted my resume online. I've also signed up with multiple medical staffing agencies, but most of them require 1 year of clinical experience. I got a call back from a hospital, but unfortunately did not get the job. I'm sure there were hundreds of applicants. I've received a couple of reply emails from hospitals/recruiters that tell me they're having a hiring freeze. And the hospitals that are hiring are only hiring experienced nurses and those with Bachelor degrees. A couple of my friends have been able to find jobs. Most of them were able to get them last summer right after school. Unfortunately, I was not able to plan that way because there were other things I needed to deal with.
I think there are many reasons nursing grads are having a problem finding a job right now. There are medical facilities that discriminate against Associate degree nursing grads because we do not have the 4 year degree. I took the same licensing exam they did and I did really well on it. So they are better than me because they took a couple of more classes than me? I worked full time for 4 years while going to school on nights and weekends. I'm very determined, but I guess there are those that don't get that when they see my 2yr degree. And the yearly salary differential between an 2 yr degree nurse and a 4 yr degree nurse is around $1,000 - $2,000. Not a big difference.
Another reason is that the hospitals do not have the money that it takes to conduct orientations for new nursing grads. Depending on the unit you are on, a newly graduated nurse will go through an orientation and shadow a nurse. This costs money. Money the hospitals do not have. So even though there are units that are understaffed, newly graduated nurses are not being hired. Instead, most hospitals get experienced nurses from medical staffing agencies that will fill a void for a couple of months or whatever the need may be.
It was recently announced that two hospitals in Queens, NY will be closing because the company that owns them has gone bankrupt. So now all of those nurses will be looking for work along with the thousands of nursing grads that graudate throughout the year, and the thousands of unemployed nurses. I know many people in my same situation. A friend told me that a recruiter recently told her she had 1,000 resumes for just a couple of positions. There's a website called allnurses(dot)com where nursing students, nurses, etc. can go and write on message boards about all kinds of topics. I've read so many stories from all over the country that are so similar to mine.
I live with my parents and help them with our living expenses. I'm very grateful for having them because they were there for me when I was home recuperating. I saved money while I was working so that I would still be able to pay them rent while I was unemployed. I stopped working in October and my funds ended in the beginning of February. I felt really bad that I still did not have a job and that I was not able to keep helping them. I decided to file my federal taxes early just so that I had some extra cash and help them out. I received a phone call from a recruiter that suggested I move to a couple of states in the MidWest. I am not able to do that. I help my family and they need me here.
My dream since I was little was to be a nurse. This is all I have ever wanted to do. I worked very hard to get here, but now I feel like I'm stuck in mud. I've been trying to stay positive and believe that the right job for me will come. But I do have my bad days when I just want to yell until the windows break from the frustration. And then I remember that I do have an apartment to go to, family to help me, food, and a warm bed at night. Unfortunately, there are MANY out there that are doing far worse than me. I pray for them. There is not much that I can do to better the economy. I just hope that those that can make a difference will do what is in the best interest of ALL of the people in this country. A girl can dream, can't she?
Anonymous
The Bronx, New York
I think there are many reasons nursing grads are having a problem finding a job right now. There are medical facilities that discriminate against Associate degree nursing grads because we do not have the 4 year degree. I took the same licensing exam they did and I did really well on it. So they are better than me because they took a couple of more classes than me? I worked full time for 4 years while going to school on nights and weekends. I'm very determined, but I guess there are those that don't get that when they see my 2yr degree. And the yearly salary differential between an 2 yr degree nurse and a 4 yr degree nurse is around $1,000 - $2,000. Not a big difference.
Another reason is that the hospitals do not have the money that it takes to conduct orientations for new nursing grads. Depending on the unit you are on, a newly graduated nurse will go through an orientation and shadow a nurse. This costs money. Money the hospitals do not have. So even though there are units that are understaffed, newly graduated nurses are not being hired. Instead, most hospitals get experienced nurses from medical staffing agencies that will fill a void for a couple of months or whatever the need may be.
It was recently announced that two hospitals in Queens, NY will be closing because the company that owns them has gone bankrupt. So now all of those nurses will be looking for work along with the thousands of nursing grads that graudate throughout the year, and the thousands of unemployed nurses. I know many people in my same situation. A friend told me that a recruiter recently told her she had 1,000 resumes for just a couple of positions. There's a website called allnurses(dot)com where nursing students, nurses, etc. can go and write on message boards about all kinds of topics. I've read so many stories from all over the country that are so similar to mine.
I live with my parents and help them with our living expenses. I'm very grateful for having them because they were there for me when I was home recuperating. I saved money while I was working so that I would still be able to pay them rent while I was unemployed. I stopped working in October and my funds ended in the beginning of February. I felt really bad that I still did not have a job and that I was not able to keep helping them. I decided to file my federal taxes early just so that I had some extra cash and help them out. I received a phone call from a recruiter that suggested I move to a couple of states in the MidWest. I am not able to do that. I help my family and they need me here.
My dream since I was little was to be a nurse. This is all I have ever wanted to do. I worked very hard to get here, but now I feel like I'm stuck in mud. I've been trying to stay positive and believe that the right job for me will come. But I do have my bad days when I just want to yell until the windows break from the frustration. And then I remember that I do have an apartment to go to, family to help me, food, and a warm bed at night. Unfortunately, there are MANY out there that are doing far worse than me. I pray for them. There is not much that I can do to better the economy. I just hope that those that can make a difference will do what is in the best interest of ALL of the people in this country. A girl can dream, can't she?
Anonymous
The Bronx, New York
Friday, February 13, 2009
Portraits: New York City
I was reading this article in today’s NY Times, when I was reminded we are in a recession. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just wake up and realize this, but sometimes I tend to forget what’s going on in the real world. By day (morning, noon and most of the night) I live in a wondrous world where people get whatever they want, no matter what the cost: $800 worth of uneaten dinners (they were too cold and heating them in a microwave is, apparently, out of the question), $1200 make up chairs, $900 back pillows, $1000 in a car service (wait and return to/from Barneys) even though the passenger lives four blocks away from said store. I could go on, but the excess, the waste, is overwhelming.
Reality does hit on casting days, when the plastic, brightly-colored Ikea chairs are lined up against the wall in the hall and the actors come in to audition. Today was “cute, blonde girl in cafe” yesterday was “pudgy comb-over diner.” Walking past the recent visitors to our casting couch, I noticed the following:
1) A recent Tony nominee (who won rave reviews in her latest musical, which closed last month due to the recession)
2) A writer/director (and sometime actor) whose most recent film was critically acclaimed, but whose funding for his next feature fell through when his investors lost their jobs and their fortunes
3) A TV Pilot queen, who was clearly over-qualified for the part, but there were whispers about her needing money
4) A former West Wing cast member (also over-qualified, but see above)
Meanwhile, back in the production office, lists are being made of items cast/crew would like in the welcome baskets in their trailers for the first day of shooting. These items range from: “A case of Smartwater, to organic chips from Trader Joe’s, Cuban cigars, iPods (with access to download new songs every day), a nice case of a ‘vintage’ red wine, and daily fresh flowers (white only).”
There are people who see too much pain and suffering in the world, especially in times like these. But knowing that exists and yet, seeing others spend so much without batting an eye or taking a second to think about it, is almost as bad to witness. I can’t do anything about it, I can’t control it, and there isn’t anyone saying “NO.” So, the cycle continues, the egos inflate and the demands increase as the dow takes a dive. And, all I can do is look over at the waste treatment facility, conveniently located next door to my office, and laugh and cry, until the credits roll.
“Money is everywhere but so is poetry. What we lack are the poets.” - Federico Fellini
Reality does hit on casting days, when the plastic, brightly-colored Ikea chairs are lined up against the wall in the hall and the actors come in to audition. Today was “cute, blonde girl in cafe” yesterday was “pudgy comb-over diner.” Walking past the recent visitors to our casting couch, I noticed the following:
1) A recent Tony nominee (who won rave reviews in her latest musical, which closed last month due to the recession)
2) A writer/director (and sometime actor) whose most recent film was critically acclaimed, but whose funding for his next feature fell through when his investors lost their jobs and their fortunes
3) A TV Pilot queen, who was clearly over-qualified for the part, but there were whispers about her needing money
4) A former West Wing cast member (also over-qualified, but see above)
Meanwhile, back in the production office, lists are being made of items cast/crew would like in the welcome baskets in their trailers for the first day of shooting. These items range from: “A case of Smartwater, to organic chips from Trader Joe’s, Cuban cigars, iPods (with access to download new songs every day), a nice case of a ‘vintage’ red wine, and daily fresh flowers (white only).”
There are people who see too much pain and suffering in the world, especially in times like these. But knowing that exists and yet, seeing others spend so much without batting an eye or taking a second to think about it, is almost as bad to witness. I can’t do anything about it, I can’t control it, and there isn’t anyone saying “NO.” So, the cycle continues, the egos inflate and the demands increase as the dow takes a dive. And, all I can do is look over at the waste treatment facility, conveniently located next door to my office, and laugh and cry, until the credits roll.
“Money is everywhere but so is poetry. What we lack are the poets.” - Federico Fellini
NY, New York
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